Two very important things to remember

My professor/mentor person said two very important things tonight; they really hit home for me. . . .

1. Be assertive!! So much unhappiness is caused when people do not say what they think because they are afraid. He said of "no" but I think I am afraid of much more than "no." I am afraid of being perceived as "wrong" or "bad" or "stupid." But I probably will not be, and if somebody does perceive my voice in that way, should I really care? Dr. B. is right; so much of my unhappiness is the result of me not saying what I am thinking. Especially when I think I should say what I am thinking. Sometimes people might even think what I have to say is slightly insightful. Moreover, people tell me that almost everything I say has some level of merit, and is more often than not insightful. "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." That quote from Bertrand Russell does not quite hit the nail on the head, but close. I am so aware that what I say should not and is not be considered gospel that I rarely speak what I think. Just because something is not perfect does not mean it is not useful. UP has taught me so much about perfect imperfections; I need now to simply remember the value of such perfect imperfections.
2. I literally could die tomorrow. Dr. B. was talking about how Dr. SK. retired after a colleague died on the tennis courts and how one of the higher ups at Res-Life died suddenly at 48 recently. And he was talking about how we should live everyday as if it is our last. Oh, did that really hit home. Every time I purge, I could easily set the electrolytes in my body so far off that I could have a heart attack and die right then and there. Every time I purge, I could rupture my stomach and die right then and there. Every time I cut, I could nick the wrong vessel/artery and die. Every time I use a behavior, I put my life in danger. I do not want to die that way. I do not like the chest pain I get when I purge; I do not like the headache and lasting eye pain when I purge. Most of all, I do not want to die, not while I purge, not when I cut and definitely not from something that is not completely beyond my control. I can stop this; I do not have to placing my life in danger on a regular basis; I do not want to either. Why do I continue to do so???

Anyway, they really hit home, so I wanted to get them out. They tell me that is healthy!