Thursday, June 18, 2009

For one of the richest areas in the country, Chester County PA is poorly wired for the internet.

Anyway, I'm here in Unionville with Bruce, but in a very different psychological spot than I was two summers ago. This time I can tolerate, even appreciate myself and my perfectionistic side has become much quieter. The part of me that thinks I am a worthy human being is much louder. That all makes Bruce much more difficult to handle. I work so hard to cut him slack in so many areas, but that relational devotion is not mutual. Making me think that I am probably better off to decrease my emotional devotion. Treat the job as a job, not as a family, not as a friendship, just a job. And Bruce is just a boss.

Where that leaves Susie, I don't know. Where it leaves Jan, I don't know. People I respect, some of whom you might say I even love. Before in my life, turning off parts of my history have been easy, cutting off relationships has been a blase issue. Now it means something. It genuinely hurts. Weird.