I'm losing weight.
Yay!
Oh wait! NO!
This is unbelievably confusing. My instinct is to be really excited about losing weight. However, I cannot imagine why I am losing weight, which scares me. I feel like my eating is out of control and completely random. It feels like I am eating way too much. I'm probably not, but it feels as though I am. But I know I am not eating too little. But I am thrilled that I am losing weight. And it is everything I can do to NOT write down the number.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Fun House Mirrors
Having an eating disorder is like spending your entire life looking at yourself in a fun house mirror. Nothing is quite right. And everything is dependent upon my figuring out how to understand that I am standing in front of a fun house mirror. Everybody else looking at me has a more accurate perception. All I can see is the fun house image. I can listen to everybody else, but I can see only the fun house mirror.
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