I'm losing weight.
Oh wait! NO!
This is unbelievably confusing. My instinct is to be really excited about losing weight. However, I cannot imagine why I am losing weight, which scares me. I feel like my eating is out of control and completely random. It feels like I am eating way too much. I'm probably not, but it feels as though I am. But I know I am not eating too little. But I am thrilled that I am losing weight. And it is everything I can do to NOT write down the number.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Having an eating disorder is like spending your entire life looking at yourself in a fun house mirror. Nothing is quite right. And everything is dependent upon my figuring out how to understand that I am standing in front of a fun house mirror. Everybody else looking at me has a more accurate perception. All I can see is the fun house image. I can listen to everybody else, but I can see only the fun house mirror.