Thursday, April 19, 2007

Oh god, oh god, oh god

Wow. . . sometimes I am convinced I have an eating disorder and I am not making it up and right now is one of those times. The way I am putting everything into weight. My mind is focused only, ONLY on weight and f*t. I am so frantically worried about this trip and being an utter failure with my goals that I am feeling so much and still trying to put the excess into to weight concerns. I know there are feelings there, but I have enough and everything is going to weight.

I cannot stop thinking about how f*t I must be, even though I know I am not. I cannot stop checking to feel my hipbones, feel my ribs, collarbone, spine. I am so freaked out that soon I will be f*t, obese even. Ahh! It is so frustrating that I don't know what to do with it.

No comments: