I don't feel numb today. I don't feel dead. I have no clue what to do with these emotions; I don't know what they are or how to make sense out of them. But they are there. Instead of being sick of being sick, I am sick of being sick and I am going to do something about it. Instead of just wanting to be better because I "should" be better, I want to be better because I hate being sick, FOR ME. There is a life out there and I would like to live it. Thanks anyway.
The thing is this is not a manic, out of control up feeling. It just isn't a numb, dead sensation. And from there the desperate desire to recover kicks in and I get up and start encouraging myself toward recovery. Also, I expect this is a overreaction to the phenomenon of not feeling like I cannot get out of bed. A WOW, this is how normal people feel. . . what the hell?
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