NYC went better than I had expected. Oh yes, I got to obsess and obsess over it before hand, but I also got to make a whole hell of a lot of contingency plans and that was useful. Was I perfect? NOPE, far from it. Did I try really hard and keep myself from really severe ED behaviors? Yup. Did I keep myself from SI for the weekend, despite the fact that I had my razors? Kinda. I did get at myself with a plastic knife at lunch one day. It's amazing how effective a little plastic knife can be. . . I still have the lines! Yeah, there were a couple times I didn't eat every meal, but I did eat every snack. Yeah, I was way deficient on my protein--indicated by my protein binge when I got home *shame*
But I am pulling myself slowly out of a couple bad days on the rebound from the trip and in about nine minutes, I am going to opt in for my AM snack and I have plans for lunch. I still here the ED, loudly and I am still kinda giving in. I still want to feel empty and hollow. I still want to feel as though my belly button is falling through my body to my spine. But I am making myself disobey because I know that the ED offers nothing but pain and suffering and self loathing.
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