Thursday, November 29, 2007

Who is that girl??

First off, I have been doing really well. Monday made me at two months without ED/SI behaviors and that two months included a trip home! I am generally happy, curious, energetic, and willing to push my boundaries.

One way I have pushed a boundary is by starting to give presentations about what it is like to have and recovery from an ED for a mental illness advocacy group. As I was upstairs getting ready to practice my speech, I looked in the window and literally felt that the girl I saw in the mirror was not the girl with the ED. In fact, in that brief moment, I could not imagine why I would chose to b/p or restrict. That moment has passed, but the truth of it has not.

I am not the same person I was with an active, severe ED. I am not the same person I was three months ago. My voice is two octaves, at least, lower. There is little hint of the "please don't hurt me" little girl voice. I stand up taller. In some sense, I have grown several inches in the last three months. I am more confident; I use my voice more, A LOT more; I smile a lot. Somebody told me that I had a "nun like sense of peace" about me. Joyful. Like a spring after a long winter. I'm not the girl I was. In fact, I am a stranger I know better than I ever knew the "me" I tried to be for so long.

No comments: