I need help

And I know that. I know I spend my life teetering on the edge of making (or actually making) dangerous decisions. But I don't know where to start when it comes to getting help. I appreciate the opportunity costs associated with making sure that EVERYONE has the exact help they need, where they need it, when they need it. I am not asking for that; it would be extremely selfish. But I am asking that, when I am willing to consider making huge sacrifices for help that such help be available.

Part of it is me, I know. I need to reach out. I need to say that I am lonely and face that. Find people that will support and help me. But I wish it were that easy. I don't get on with my peers well, so that is generally out. I get on wonderfully with my professors, but where do I draw the line? Besides, I am afraid that I would change their opinions of me. For example, as I have been feeling extremely needy recently, I have been going to Dr. H's office really regularly, not only for the wonderful economic discussion that we have, but also for the sense of acceptance, mutual respect and affection I receive. I enjoy having close intellectual mentors and I wish I could tell him how much I am struggling just to get through the day. But I am so afraid he will think less of me. How could he not? I cannot but think less of me, why would I expect any difference from him? I just happen to be feeling very alone and silent lately. It is getting to me.