Another Transition

Tomorrow. I leave tomorrow. For my first summer as a real adult. I will pay rent, own a car, buy my own food, clothes and gas. Completely and totally on my own. I'm not scared, but I am anxious. I am worrying about money, about my horse, about failing Bruce. Okay, yes, I am worried about being imperfect, about not being perfect. I am going as a student. Students are supposed to be imperfect; Bruce is the only one who could even possibly be expected to be perfect. I am okay with him falling off, so why am I so paranoid about falling off myself.

So, yes, I stand upon the border of yet another transition. And that is okay with me. I like the idea of transitions, I just get nervous about them. I will be okay. But the lead up is unsettling.

And I am going to miss my horse, a lot. I was laying in the grass with him today and he nosed me after about ten minutes, to see if I was okay! It was adorable. Bruce may have a lot on me, but I would never let him touch my horse. UP is a very special horse and traditional training, any force, any lack of equality and he becomes what Jackie called "a killer." That's why he and I get on so well--equality. We both demand respect, neither of us can lie about anything, and we can laugh at each other. UP laughs at me all the time and I tease him big time. I think my relationship with him must feel like what people think love is. HEHE! And this (hopefully) will be the last three months I ever have to spend away from him.