My life starts from a simple statement, one that has no good or bad reasons to support it:
I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON.
Everything else in my life starts from that simple axiom. I am horrible implies all of the following. I hate me. I am lazy. I cannot work hard enough to overcome my laziness. I am stupid. I cannot achieve enough to overcome that stupidity. I am ugly. I am unlovable. Any affection directed toward me is completely a result of the fact that people don't know how horrible I am. I am fat. I do not deserve love, attention, food, praise or success. I don't deserve second chances or sympathy.
I know that this axiom is probably not a good one. It is distinctly not healthy, but all of my intellectual skills do not prepare me for figuring out how to contradict an axiom. Logic, yes. Axioms, no.
1 comment:
I completely understand this post. Almost everything I think, do, and say stems from a belief that I am a bad person. I do not know how to attack this belief or whether anything will every really have an impact on it.
Even worse, at times, are the people in my life who try to tell me that I am a good person. Just as I have no evidence or logical foundation for my belief that I am a bad person, they are often incapable of producing evidence to support their position. Such fundamental and foundational beliefs are very hard to refute . . .
Post a Comment