I lost it. I don't see what other people see. I don't know why and it scares me. I purged last night and I had a horrible headache afterward. Every time I stand up, my head throbs quite a bit. I'm not sure what I've done, but I'm not sure I intend to stop.
I see the warning signs. I know where I am headed; the question is whether I care. Today I don't. Tomorrow I might. Craziness at it's best.
I'm afraid of who I am. I'm afraid of who I'm not, who I should be, and why I am not that person. I am so confused about what other people see; it isn't what I see and I know my reality isn't real. I am playing all the trigger games. How long until I give in?
My mind is in chaos. I cannot go on like this; should I try? I don't know where I am going and I don't know why I am even going. That's it. I'm lost. I cannot even read the map; in fact, I am not even sure I can find the map. I might not even be looking. I'm so lost.
1 comment:
It's hard to see what others see in us. I fought with the idea that anyone could see any form of intelligence in me for years. I still do. However, after I allowed myself noticed that there were numerous people echoing the same thoughts, I slowly began to accept that there had to be some truth to the statements. I may not always agree with what is said, but I can finally understand why others are saying the things they are.
Does anyone get through? Do I even get through any more? If I told you that I think you are an intelligent, beautiful, caring person . . . would you hear me? Would you believe me? Would you be able to see how it is possible that I would think those things?
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Listen carefully to this . . . I do not think that you are perfect. I do not expect you to be perfect. BUT I do think you are an amazing individual with whom I want to spend my time.
Remember to lean on those around you . . . even from miles away we can hear you.
Mandy
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