Monday, October 6, 2008

I really want it back.

I really want to be skinny and I really want anorexia back. I want that control, that hunger, that emptiness. The red marks on my scream how much I hate myself. And I know my behavior is NOT useful, not practical. If I weren't so scared of failure or imperfection, I might take up letting myself admit that I am horrible or even tolerable. I would not have to make up excuses to fail, manipulations to push people away, to show them that it isn't me who is imperfect, but the devil child following me around. I refuse to allow myself to take blame. And I'm a manipulative bitch to other humans.

Do I even know what is me and what is her?

No comments: