Sunday, February 22, 2009

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I am fucking DONE!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Still Unpredictable

I never know what I am going to do next, how I am going to feel, or what I am going to believe. Yes, there is some constancy, like many of my intellectual beliefs. Personally however, is a whole different ball game. It's all sorts of bonkers. When I get chipper, I am chipper and I make rash decisions to ride my horses bareback through campus. When I get drained, I can hardly get out of bed, let alone ride bareback. And these two phenomena can happen in the span of a few hours and the triggers are minor things. Nice weather and carrying water buckets. A still sick horse, who isn't mine and a nice trot. Something challenging can throw me either way. Trust, god only knows where trust is going to end up. Whether I feel incredibly distant or incredibly desirous of contact, or feel very close to someone. I never know.

Not being able to predict others is one thing; not being able to predict me is very different.